please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
