the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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