i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
