If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Randomize
