my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
