i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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