I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
