Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Everyone says I win the strip club
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize