they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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