You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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