Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
