I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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