i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
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I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
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I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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