I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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