shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
