When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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