somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
