Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
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I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
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My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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