Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
