I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
