I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Life is so much better after having sex.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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