shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
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just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
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I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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