dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
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I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
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Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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