Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
