My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I need a beard to bite.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
