So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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