I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
