Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize