Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
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If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
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Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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