Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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