When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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