He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I want her autograph on my taint
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
