Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
