im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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