Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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