Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I AM VODKA MAN
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
