I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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