I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
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I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize