Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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