Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
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