Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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