3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
There's even glitter on my cock...
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