Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
