they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
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Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
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I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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