I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
