why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
