i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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