Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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