I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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