S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
