Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
