What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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