drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
