her vagina looked like bernie madoff
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
