winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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