I think I just saw someone hide a body.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
