i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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