If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
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Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
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hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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