i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
