Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
