So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
