Who wears a wallet chain?!
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
