ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Two words: nipple clamps
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