Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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